Gold Wings and Sparrowhawk - Chapter 7
[Harm and Nell kept in touch through the years, him through Law School, Navy Justice School and finally JAG, Nell through all the engagements France participated in, Djibouti, Bosnia. We find them again in July 1995, at the opening of the series.]
July 1995
Dear Nell,
I had the most intense experience in a long time, and I have to tell you, because I know you'll understand.
I was investigating the disappearance of a RIO on the Seahawk, my carrier from back when. Going there was hard, so much memories, good mostly, the smells, the sounds, the atmosphere of impatience and hurry, and some very bad, of the night I crashed. It was both heart-wrenching and exhilarating.
The CAG (Commander Air Group) was my dad's wingman the day he went down. He's a hell of a pilot, but very tough. He has to be to keep his crew alive and flying. Kept pushing at me. I think from a talk we had he felt guilty leaving my dad behind when he was shot down. I told him it wasn't his fault, but you always feel responsible when you fail to save a teammate. I also think he resented me for not being my dad, like it should have been him, standing there, not me.
Wedge's brother was here too, he's a pilot now, nicknamed Mace. I wasn't surprised by his less-than-warm welcome. But that hurt nonetheless.
Long story short, the CAG took me up in a Tomcat modified for recon and training, meaning there were a full set of controls in the back, instead of all the navigation equipment. I wasn't supposed to touch anything, of course. We went for a recon flyby, before an Alpha Strike, you probably heard about it since you're flying there too. One the way back, the Serbs were waiting for us. They hit us and the CAG got wounded. I had to take control of the plane... I hadn't held a joystick for five years and this baby was handling like a jackhammer.
Dragon, I think that was the scariest moment in my life. Training and old habits kicked in, and with the help of the CAG's wingman Lobo I was able to trap and catch the wire but I think I stopped breathing for a full five minutes. The longest five minutes of my life.
Oh, and did I mention night had fallen ? I couldn't see the deck, I had to rely on what they were telling me. I hope I never have to do that again ! And I never thought I'd say that some day...
When we left the carrier, Mace and the others were waiting for me near the COD. He put wings back on my uniform, Nell. I've never been so touched. I don't know if he forgave me for the death of his brother, but it was like a thank you for bringing the CAG back on board.
When I got back to Washington, I went to the Admiral and got permission to keep up with my quals and get my flying status back. You can imagine what it felt like. In a few weeks, I'll be flying again. Not on a daily basis, but enough to see the sun in the middle of winter.
I know you get it, Nell.
Fly high... always !
Harm
Dear Harm,
If you were right here, I'd give you the biggest hug. Because I do get it. I haven't stopped flying, but I can imagine what it would be to not fly. I'm so happy for you !
Fly high... again !
And congratulations on your Distinguished Flying Cross, that's quite an honor !
Nell
September 1995
Dear Nell,
I don't like submarines. I had to spend a few days inside one and I kept banging my head on the bulkheads. My six feet three are not made for such small spaces. And I had a new partner, Meg, who is claustrophobic.
I can't tell you more about our assignment, confidentiality clause, but that was not fun. I started breathing again only when we surfaced and I was allowed to get outside.
I don't know how bubbleheads do it ! I guess it takes all kinds !
Just fly !
Harm
October 1995
Dear Nell,
When I decided to become a JAG lawyer, I never expected I'd see more action than when I was a fighter pilot. And I certainly did not expect to be shot at, drugged or almost murdered.
I got mixed up in the Thai's ambassador personal business because his wife... she reminded me of a girl I knew when I went to Vietnam to look for my dad. Gym got killed because she befriended me and I couldn't help but see her in Angelique. And in return she tried to kill me. I got lost in my memories and almost died.
The past has an uncanny way to come back when you least expect it.
I hope everything is alright with you. Where are you now ?
Take care of the Dragon !
Harm
Dear Harm,
Like the past few years, I'm in Bosnia again. Operation Deny Flight is still in motion, and we take part in it, as US pilots do. I flew a mission with Lts Entwhistle and Painter the other day. Do you know them ? Any advice ?
I miss you in the air !
So long, Sailor !
Nell
November 1995
Dear Nell,
I lost a friend, two days ago. A fellow pilot. Luke was my roommate at the Academy and in Flight School and we had stayed good friends. I even was his best man at his wedding. Everyone said it was his fault he crashed, but when you fly with someone, you get to know them. And I was right. He didn't screw the pooch. I got to clear his name. But I miss him, Nell. I miss my friend.
He leaves behind a widow and a six-years old son, Josh. And I remembered the day my father went missing. I was about Josh's age, I recall the two officers showing at the door, my mother's cry.
Why does everything lately come back to my dad ? I know one day I will find out what happened to him. Until then, I have my memories.
And I know Painter, we met on the Seahawk when I was there in July. He's a good guy !
Take care of my Dragon !
Harm
December 1995
Dear Nell,
It seems I'm sent only where there's action and flying bullets.
Last month we went to Peru to investigate a Marine who had killed a young boy. Turned out the Shining Path had organized the assassination of the Ambassador. It was a war zone and we lost good men.
Then, we went to Seattle to question a sailor who had stolen a missile. It led to a brig break, Meg taken hostage, and the whole area almost being blown up by a bomb set up by a traitor wanting to sell stolen weapons to Irakis. With Navy Intelligence in the mix.
And last week in Iraq, we were supposed to defend a Marine tried for espionage. In a mock trial, of course. I had some extraction combat training for plan B, which was to get the Marine out of jail and bring him home.
To be frank, I don't really mind action. Reminds me of my carrier days. You know how it is. I just mind the « my life is in danger » part !
Merry Christmas and a very happy new year in advance
Fly high !
Harm
January 1996
Dear Harm,
A happy New Year to you too ! I'm back in France, at last ! Well, I can't say I miss Bosnia. But I miss the excitement of flying a mission, not just training. I have another six months in France before I'm deployed again, so I'll keep training until I'm back in OPEX (foreign deployment).
You lead a full life, I can give you that ! I thought Navy lawyers spent their time in courtrooms and offices, that doesn't seem to be the case with you ! I was in a war zone, and it was more peaceful than where you go !
Watch your six, sailor !
Nell
Dear Nell,
I wrote I didn't mind action, well, somebody heard me too well ! Every time I step out of JAG HQ, I'm targeted ! We went looking for a little girl who had disappeared in an abandoned Navy base, and we stumbled upon a drug operation ! Seriously ?
I'll have my quals in a few days, can't wait to fly again !
Fly high !
Harm
February 1996
Dear Harm,
I've been deployed early in Djibouti again. The peace agreement signed two years ago wasn't enough for some of the rebels, so we're here to enforce it. I was able to take a week off last month, but I wasn't supposed to go further than five hundred kilometers from my base, so I had the choice between Ethiopia, Somalia, Yemen or Saudi Arabia... some choice ! Ethiopia has been relatively stable for a while now, so I did a trek in the Awash National Park. If you ever get a chance to go there, you should check it out, it's an amazing place !
Take care of my sailor !
Nell
March 1996
Dear Nell,
I'm sorry to tell you that Lt Entwhistle was shot down by the Serbs last week. He and Painter were able to eject, but he didn't make it. I was able to recover Painter who was unharmed. I know you flew with them, so I wanted to tell you.
Be careful up there, and watch your six.
Harm
Dear Harm,
I'm so sorry for Entwhistle's death. We got to fly a few times together, and I enjoyed it. Give my regards and condolences to his squadron if you get the chance.
But seriously ? Going to Bosnia to recover Painter, isn't that a SEAL's job ? Harm ! I know you like seeing action (and to be frank, recon and patrol can be quite boring so I know what you mean...) but it's not just « seeing action » ! It's jumping into action feet first !
Please take good care of my sailor !
Nell
April 1996
Dear Nell,
A lot has changed this past month. First I got promoted to Lieutenant Commander. It was earlier than expected, so I was a bit surprised.
Then Admiral Brovo is being replaced by Admiral Chegwidden, a former SEAL. That should prove interesting... His aid is a full Commander who keeps hitting on me. Engaging in a personal relationship with her would only bring me trouble, so I'm trying to steer clear of her. Working together is going to be like playing chess : trying to figure out what your opponent is doing three moves in advance...
I got to fly to Cuba, and made a Learjet roll and loop... the Air Force at the helm couldn't believe it ! (the Cuban Mig pilots couldn't either...) I also did a HALO (High Altitude Low Opening) jump to find out why an Army General had a Naval Aviator killed, the Admiral figured if I can punch out, I can jump. Fun times...
And I had my annual flight check, meaning I can keep up with my quals and keep my flying status up and running. I love it !
Fly high ! (and roll, and loop!)
Harm
May 1996
Dear Harm,
Is it weird to tell you I'm dating ? I met Dominic a while back, on my first tour in Djibouti. He's a local teacher. I've participated in a program to help girls at his school learn how to defend themselves, and we became close this time around. He makes me laugh and wonder...
I don't know what the future holds, but I don't mind heading there.
I'm glad you can keep flying, even Learjets !
Fly high !
Nell
Dear Nell,
I haven't written in a long time because it took me a while to process what happened to me. I was supposed to go sailing with a friend in the Sea of China when I was captured and taken prisoner. You know the training we undergo to resist interrogations, you've been through it. But there's no way to be prepared to really experience prison and torture. They shot me up with drugs, asked me questions I didn't have the answer to, made me believe things...
Nell, I think my father was there too. I told you he went MIA in 1969, during the Vietnam war. They have trade agreements with China, and an American prisoner is very valuable. I never saw him, but I heard his voice. He told me things only he knew. And there was an engraving in a cell just below mine that only he could have done.
A Chinese defector told me I had been the only prisoner in this ward for quite some time, so I don't know what to believe anymore. I was so full of drugs it took me a whole week to be fit for duty.
Whatever the truth is, talking to him when I was in that ugly cell is what kept me sane. I have to find out what happened to him, Nell. I don't care how long it's going to take, but I will find out.
And if I can tell you anything, so can you. I'm happy you met someone.
Take care of my Dragon !
Harm
Dear Harm,
I can't begin to imagine what you've been through. Yes we prepare for enemy interrogation and torture, but I can't believe you know what it's like, until you KNOW what it's like. My heart hurts for you.
But why the hell would China want another American prisoner ? You're a lawyer, you're not Intelligence ! I hope your government did everything it could to get you back ! You don't leave a fellow officer behind !
As for your father... I have never lost someone the way you lost your dad, so I can't see it the way you do. But be careful what you wish for. You might find something you don't want to, God forbid.
I love that we can tell each other everything. It helps so much when times are difficult, and sharing the joy is contagious !
A big hug from me to you !
Take care of my sailor !
Nell
June 1996
Dear Harm,
I’m still in Djibouti, still dating Dominic. And I’m still flying. As usual, recon and patrol, but this time we engaged a couple of Mig bogeys. Russian are selling those all over the world, to anyone who asks. Thankfully, the rebel pilots were not as good as us, so we chased them down and made them run with their tails between their legs (pun intended!)
I hope you’re getting better after this horrible time. Are you back to work yet?
Fly high!
Nell
Dear Nell,
Life has a way of kicking you again and again, even when you’re down.
I’m in jail right now, being locked up for allegedly killing a friend of mine. That’s crazy, of course!
Diane and I were classmates at Annapolis, we became close, but never crossed the line. After graduation, I went to flight school, and she went into crypto, but we stayed in touch. We wrote letters to each other, and everytime we were in the same area, we managed to meet. Like we were supposed to this time. And I could not kill her, like I couldn’t kill you.
Meg and Cdr Krennick are backing me up, but it’s a NIS investigation, so they don’t have jurisdiction. I haven’t called my mom, I don’t want her to worry. But I know I can tell you everything.
I’m scared, Nell. There is no physical evidence I killed her, because I didn’t do it, but people have been convicted on circumstantial evidence before. The investigator went straight for me when he found out we were supposed to meet that night. Like a dog with a bone. What frustrates me is he won’t look elsewhere. I’m the perfect suspect so in his mind I’m guilty.
I really hope they will find the suspect soon, otherwise I might rot in here for weeks. I hang on to my innocence like to a parachute, hoping I will land on safe ground.
Sorry to dump all of this on you, but you’re the only one I can confide in.
Cross your fingers and toes for me, and say all the prayers you know, please.
And a big hug
Harm
July 1996
Dear Harm,
This is truly insane! I will never believe you could kill a woman either in cold blood or in a fit of passion. You don’t have that in you. I know they will find the culprit, and convict him, not you.
Keep the faith, and take care of my sailor.
Nell
Dear Nell,
I’m finally out of jail. Twenty-three days. Detective Turkey was furious to let me go, but even the circumstantial evidence was too thin to keep me in. At least this time I wasn’t tortured!
I’ll be back at JAG tomorrow, I want to go back to my routine, forget it all happened. Or rather I don’t want to forget Diane was killed, and I want to find her killer. But I don’t have access to the file, or to the evidence. I’m not sure what to do next. I guess I’ll have to wait and see.
I went to see her grave this afternoon, put some flowers. What saddened me the most was the missed opportunities. We were always attracted to each other, but nothing was possible at the Academy, and then we went our separate ways. It was never the right time. Lately, we thought it might be, she was thinking about relocating to Norfolk, ask for shore duty. In a way I miss what we could have been.
Thanks for your support and your friendship.
Harm
August 1996
Dear Harm,
I hope you’re back on track with your life after this terrible year and that you have nothing more dramatic happening than a continuance during a trial.
I’m leaving Djibouti soon, and unfortunately, I have to leave Dominique behind as well. His family, his life are here, and mine are in France. I’m sad, and heartbroken. I will probably come back in another deployment, but we have decided not to pursue a long-distance relationship, not knowing when or if I’ll be back. So we’re spending all our free time together, enjoying our last days side by side.
I’m a bit lost, knowing this beautiful story is ending. But at least we’re ending it on a high note, with our feelings at their highest.
I’ll be back in France in a couple of weeks, spending a well-deserved vacation at my parent’s. I miss my family a lot, and it’s gonna be good to be near them again.
Take care of my sailor!
Nell
September 1996
Dear Nell,
I’m sorry to hear you broke up with your boyfriend. I hope your heart will heal and your sadness dissipate.
I had some vacation time too, so I went to see Grams, take Sarah out for a spin, so to speak.
And I decided to move out of my apartment. I found something in a nice neighborhood, it needs a lot of work, so it will keep me occupied for a while.
And you’re right, being back in Washington, keeping a routine, is good for the soul. I’m running up and down my new grounds, and nothing more dramatic than a continuance at a trial is happening!
Take care of my dragon!
Harm
January 1997
Dear Harm,
I have to say this incredible story about the theft of your Declaration of Independance got my attention. I heard Marines were involved, any inside information you want to share?
Fly high!
Nell
Dear Nell,
I had a few quiet months, and then my world got rocked again.
When we went searching for the Declaration of Independence, I met someone, a Marine who goes by the nickname Mac. And she’s the spitting image of my friend Diane. I can’t see Mac without seeing Diane. I can’t hear Mac without hearing Diane. But their personalities are so different, it’s like a distorting mirror, and it’s very disturbing. I expect one reaction and I get another. And half the time I don’t know who I’m talking to, Diane or Mac. And every time I see Mac, I see Diane’s body, covered in blood. I have nightmares now.
I’m working with her for now, defending her uncle, the Marine Colonel who stole the Declaration. I hope I will never see her again after that, but at the same time I hope we keep working together so I can have Diane back in my life somehow. It’s keeping me off-balance and I don’t like it.
I hope the next few weeks are calm so I can process everything.
Fly high!
Harm
[for the next 3 years, Harm and Nell keep writing to each other]
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